Two Weeks Until the Abyss

"Something will grow from all that you are going through. And it will be you."

Yoga shoot with the beautiful Sara Kollberg

I always think to write a blog post, but between Facebook, my personal diary and keeping up with communication via social media it becomes challenging to repeat the same information over and over. I am having a hard time sorting my thoughts about this entire experience anyways. It feels as though time is moving very slowly, yet I can feel each moment slipping silently by like a river in constant movement and fluidity. When I reflect back upon these last 4 months, it seems as though I have been living in Buenos Airs for a lifetime, yet also only for a week. This is the only way I can seem to describe my experience. I feel confident that upon my return to the United States, I will spend 5-6 months, or maybe even the rest of my life in reflection, absorbed in moments of nostalgia, or day dreams and re-told stories of my South American tales and adventures. A song will remind me of a quiet, peaceful day by the river in Cuesta Blanca, or a free-spirited, sweaty, wild night at La Bomba! Either way, Buenos Aires has expanded my mind, opened my heart and taught me more about myself in these short few months than I have learned in my whole life. It's a constant stepping into the unknown, taking on new experiences, praying for acceptance, and learning to communicate with a much deeper affect than with words alone.

When I signed up for my semester abroad, I was full of excitement. Curiosity. I had a deep hunger for adventure. Since the day I stepping onto the spiritual path of sobriety and yoga I have dedicated life to a deeper learning and understanding of the world around me. I have asked God time and time again, please use me, mold me, make me the best version of myself so that I may help other people. I am a humble servant. A human activist. A yogi. A teacher. But most of all, I am a student. And that's exactly who I have been during this journey. A student. Patiently waiting for my next lesson. I have learned lessons of patience. Acceptance. Overwhelming amounts of gratitude, yet also powerlessness. I have experienced humility. I now deeply understand the words "foreign" "outsider" and "uncomfortable". The experiences I have had, the conversations I have endured, and the people I have met, have lovingly challenged my beliefs, my existence, my experience and my perception of the world. I try my best to be an open minded person. I am always willing to be wrong, to be open to new ideas, and this has given my consciousness wings. I have flown into new beliefs, stories, perspectives, unknown possibility and a I have found a new sense of freedom from the shackles of old ideas. I am wearing a new pair of glasses. I can see the world, my life, my actions, my thoughts much more clearly than I could before. I have a deeper empathy for the people, the animals, and the plants whom exist in this world along side me.

The charming neighborhood "La Boca"

I have learned these lesson from observing. Listening. Trusting. Allowing myself to be swept away by the experience of living in another country. To let my experiences mold and shape me. Instead of resisting the unfamiliar, I have invited it into my being. Everything in Buenos Aires is the same yet different. As is the entire world. Each country. Each person. Everything is different, yet entirely the same.

I feel empowered and educated by participating in classes developed through Latin American perspectives. My Gender Studies and Social Economy of Latin American classes have given me a fresh perspective and a deeper appreciation for Latin history. They have also fueled my fire, and confirmed my deeply seeded angst against Colonialism and a Capitalist/Patriarchal Society. Which brings me to my experience of Ni Una Menos. A march against Violence Against Women in Argentina consisting of 300,000 people. What a beautiful fucking moment in history. I feel deeply inspired. Being a part of such a beautiful, bold mass of human rights activists gave me a lifetime of encouragement. It was a divine sign from God that humanity is GOOD. That I am on the right path. That women's voices are heard. That MY VOICE matters. That people DO CARE. Wow, wow, wow. I am truly amazed by the power of people. Of collective consciousness.

With out Women's Rights, there are no Human Rights.

This is a published photo from the font page of  a Buenos Aires newspaper.

Learning a differently language has also been a monumental part of my experience. It's so challenging, yet endlessly intriguing. I have a deeper appreciation for words. For words! It's funny to think about, but we wrap so much meaning around a word. A thought. That conversation we had yesterday. Or whatever so-and-so said. Blah blah. Each word. So much importance. So much meaning deeply embedded into our consciousness. And then imagine, all of those words are taken from you and replaced with new ones. I have been learning to re-create my significance of words. It's bizarre. And for myself, as a writer and speaking like a poet in a world of "be specific and speak efficiently" has been a challenging task in itself. But I respect language. I respect anyone who can speak more than one language. Learning to speak Spanish has been humbling, humoring, and interesting to say the least.

I wish I could illustrate for you each and every moment of my semester abroad. I wish I could write a short novel, or produce a chic indie film that would elucidate my time spent in Buenos Aires. But all I can really do is write another blog post, post a Facebook album, or share a story or two the next time I see you. But what I suggest, is experiencing Buenos Aires for yourself. Or whatever other place in the world is calling your name. If there is one thing I have learned while spending my time over seas it is that ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE. We can have whatever we want. We can go where ever we want. All of our dreams and goals are reachable, attainable, possible. The world is a vast land of opportunity and abundance. It's fear and rationality that keep us in one place. That force us to harbor in the darkness of heavy doubt and uncertainty. But please my friends, let me make my self clear: You can have whatever you want. You can go wherever you want. You can meet whoever you want. See you whatever you want. Be whoever you want. All you have do is ask for it. And take one small step into action.

"I do not at all understand the mystery of grace, only that it meets us where we are, but does not leave us where it found us."